Lessons I Learned From My Toddler

As I was sitting next to my toddler’s bed the other night, waiting for her to decide that she is done playing with my hair and ready to go to sleep, I realized that for someone who is not even two yet, there are a lot of things she has to teach. I am not talking about the obvious ones that children at any age will teach you:

It’s not diamonds, it’s coffee that is a girl’s best friend.

Sleep is overrated.

Your house will never be clean again. Deal with it.

The lessons I am talking about are the kinds of lessons you only start thinking about when you’re trapped in a dark room with nothing to do but wait for your child to go to sleep. I’m talking about the deep stuff.

1. Celebrate Your Successes

“I peed in the potty!!!” Both my husband and I rush up the stairs, opening the champagne bottle on our way, confetti in hand, and there she is, beaming as if the Wiggles had entered the building. “I peed in the potty,” she continues to yell and proudly points to the tiny puddle in her Froggy Potty. We are now jumping up and down in excitement, we yell down to our only semi-interested teenager to share the good news, we exchange high fives and praises. “SHE PEED IN THE POTTY!!!! Good job, sweetie, that’s amazing! Oh my gosh, you are going to help us empty the potty and flush, too? What a good helper!” My daughter will probably still need months until she’s actually housebroken. Until then, we will celebrate each and every day, about three times a day.

Because of this, on occasion, when I came out of the washroom, she waits outside the door for me (creepy, right!) and exclaims to everyone else in the house: “Mommy peed in the potty!!” “Yes I did, baby-girl! High five!”

So my question is: when and why do we stop doing that? What happens from here to there? Even with our teenagers the best I can manage most of the time is something along the lines of: “Oh, so you do know where the dishwasher is, good news!”

This year’s Niagara Leadership Summit for Women was all about owning our strengths. My toddler reminds me every day that we probably started out that way; that most or at least some of us started out with someone cheering us on. We, too, used to stand tall, proud of every accomplishment, no matter how small. If we all stayed a little bit more in that mindset of both, owning our own strengths and celebrating those of the people around us, I am convinced this world would be a better place.

2. No Means No

“Do you want some milk, sweetie?” “No.” It’s 7:30pm, this is what is next in her night routine. At around this time, every day, she has her milk. She loves it. “Mom has some warm milk for you, would you like some?” “No, Mama.” She is just saying ‘no’ because that’s the first thing they learn when they move from the infant to the toddler room, the word NO becomes a tool, a weapon, the ultimate crisis communication plan. Surely, she’s just saying it to be funny. “Here is your milk, sweetheart,” I say, coming at her with her favourite evening beverage. Armageddon is what follows. And I don’t mean the Bruce Willis kind. She flings herself onto the ground, within seconds there is a screaming and kicking mess where there was a peaceful child only moments ago. “NOOOOOO! NO MILK!!!!!” It is dawning on me that she may not have been joking after all. That kid does not want milk.

When I go over those lovely moments in my head at the end of the day, I find myself asking again: When, and more importantly, WHY do we stop doing that? Why don’t I start kicking and screaming when the boss adds something to my already overflowing plate? When do we start making up excuses instead of yelling: “NO! I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT FOR DINNER TONIGHT, I WANT TO EAT ICE CREAM AND BINGE WATCH GREY’S ANATOMY.” What do we as parents, teachers, role models, faith communities, as society do to our children that might make this very same girl think one day that she can’t say no when her soccer coach corners her in the change room?

no means no

Take it from my toddler, no means no. It is not always easy, especially for us as women, but practice it. Get better at it, one NO at a time. No, I cannot attend this meeting today. No, I cannot contribute to the bake sale. No, I don’t want to watch Sharknado tonight. No, not tomorrow either. And please! Don’t make excuses, don’t feel like you have to offer an explanation. The story didn’t go: And then the toddler said “no, mommy, I am still very full from dinner, I would rather skip the milk tonight.” She said NO. Period.

3. Feel The Feels

When our toddler is angry, she gives it her all. When she did not want that milk, she did not try to be polite about it. She didn’t force it down to then complain to her older sister later about the time I forced her to drink the milk. She just unleashed the anger. In the same way, there is no holding her back in her excitement over jumping around in a puddle. When she is sad, she lets herself sob and cry until she can’t catch her breath anymore. When she is happy, she giggles and snorts and laughs without thinking twice about it. She doesn’t need mindfulness training, this is just how she came out. This is a human before a lifetime of being shushed and distracted and shaped into what we have decided is right and proper and appropriate. One of my favourite chapters of  the book Tuesdays With Morrie is the one where he speaks about emotions.

“Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won’t hurt you. It will only help. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, “All right, it’s just fear, I don’t have to let it control me. I see it for what it is”.”

Be scared, be happy, be nervous, be sad… be what you please but be it all the way.

emotions

Franziska Emslie is the YW’s Community and Public Relations Coordinator

Women find strength in numbers

Niagara Leadership Summit for Women another sold-out event

NEWS Oct 28, 2018 by Julie Jocsak  The St. Catharines Standard

The message was one of support, inclusivity and confidence at this year’s Niagara Leadership Summit for Women.

The event, now in its fifth year, was hosted by the YWCA and held at Brock University on Saturday,

The theme was Make Your Move. Together.

Speakers and workshops dealt with issues of self-confidence, how to get involved and raising your voice. For example, Paralympian Jessica Lewis gave a workshop on how to not be limited by your limitations.
“It’s really to inspire women of different backgrounds, whether it’s business, whether you’re a parent, whether you’re a student, whatever you do, to feel a part of the community in a meaningful way and to feel valued and that you’re skills and whatever it is that you bring to the table is important in making change — and we all can be leaders in our everyday lives,” said summit founder and organizer Julie Rorison.

Kim Karin Milan, a Toronto-based writer, was keynote speaker.

“I really wanted to talk to women and girls about the ways we can support each other and help amplify women’s leadership and wanting to make leadership models that are not just about one particular kind of woman or girl but also for women and girls of different levels, racial background. Something that is really authentic and diverse,” said Milan.

She also talked about creating spaces for those leaders to find themselves and grow.

Social media is big contributor to women’s and girls’ challenges in our culture today, Milan said. Often, they feel enormous pressure to create a beautiful, successful life on social media. Facing pressure to look and act a certain way, own the right things and rack up ‘likes,’ all the while facing judgment from others.

When a space is created where women and girls can get out from behind the screen and face each other, talk and learn about each other, those pretences often fall away, she added.

“Once you get them together in spaces like this where there is no other distraction they are able to really recognize that they do care about each other — we are not all being judged based on what we look like we are also being judged for our character,” said Milan.

“Girls need to feel valuable for who they are and that they are intelligent, important and they don’t have to pick either beautiful or smart, or tough or intelligent. You be can all of those things at the same time.”

Milan said it is important to reach out in smaller towns, where there may not be as much support and opportunities for young girls and women to meet and network.

The summit has sold out every year. This demonstrates to Rorison the need and want for it.

“What we hear from people is that they feel re-energized. There’s been a lot of negative media, a lot of tough stuff happening and when we can come together and release that and focus on what we can do to work together it really re-energizes people,” she said.

“We keep getting this amazing feedback and selling out, we gotta keep going, we have work to do.”

Julie.Jocsak@niagaradailies.com

905-225-1631 | @JJ_Standard

https://www.stcatharinesstandard.ca/news-story/8992662-women-find-strength-in-numbers/